Kendalls Letter
by xoangeeel
Summary: Kendalls Letter, part of the 85 Days story/


_Dear Logan,_

_I'm sure if you're reading this you've already found me. I wanted to make this simple, but I know it won't end like that. I have so many things to say to you that I never had the chance to say. Let me start with this, I'm sorry. Right now, you're probably wondering why I've done this, and I promise by the end you might understand._

_Before this gets really deep, promise me you'll always stay strong. Stay strong for me, and the boys. You're all going to need each other. I'm sorry for the pain that I know I'm going to bring, or have brought upon everybody._

_Don't give up on singing, ever. You Carlos and James all need it. It makes each of you happy. I need you all to stay happy._

_Now, I don't want to leave you Logan. I've never in anyways wanted to leave you. The reason being, I love you. Yes Logan, I said it. I love you. It's always been eating away at me to tell you. I just… I didn't know how or when to say it. I love your voice, your touch, your smell, the way your dimples move when you laugh. God Logan, I love you so much. Don't blame yourself for this Logan, please never blame yourself. You're the reason I've held on as long as I have. You're the reason I've been waking up everyday this long._

_I hope I'm able to still see and hear you laugh. I hope I'm able to always be with you. That's what killing me about going down this path, knowing I might now ever see you again._

_Remember that time we all went to Maui? The first time all 4 of us went? I bet you're almost smiling at the thought of it we had such a good time, there was never a moment you weren't smiling. I'm sorry if you're not smiling, or haven't – you can turn anybodys bad day into a good one. Just by flashing a smile. You've done it for me so many times._

_I'm so sorry this is in a million places – the first part of this is already sinking in. I'm scared Logan. I know I could come to you and tell you exactly what's going on and you'd do anything in your power to keep me around. But I don't want to set that all on you. You don't need the extra stress._

_You told me the other day how you thought about getting with Demi, how she makes you happy cause it's like being home in Texas all the time. You finally have somebody around that understands everything you go through. Logan, I don't want you with her. I want you for myself. But I can't come out and just tell you that, now can I? You need to be happy on your own, and if that's the case… be with her. She's part of the reason I'm going Logan._

_It's hard you know. Listening to the person you love talk about how much they want to be with another person who makes them happy… especially when you thought you were the one to make them happy. I thought I was your happy place Logan? I mean you are mine... but that just doesn't seem to be enough anymore._

_I really need you to promise me you'll be there for the other boys. I'm gone, and i know they'll need you and everybody else around them to get through this. I don't want you guys to dwell on me being gone. I want you to remember the times we all had, I want you to all be happy with what we've had. _

_If Demi is what's going to make you happy in the end, I wasn't going to let that get between it. All I want is you happy. And I know you'll be happy without me, everybody will be._

_Whenever you need me, I'll be there with you. And I'll be waiting for you in my next life, for the day that you finally join me... which I hope is a long time from now. You deserve a long life. I'll miss you, I don't want you to leave until you've lived your life completely. I'll still be here when you decide it's your time… but as for me, my time's up. And i'm sorry i can't be there. I'm through with living. I'm through with pretending to be so damn happy when I'm not at all._

_I need you to know this isn't hurting me. I've taken some pills, so it'll all fade fast. I'm getting cold Logan... I know you're going to be waking up soon. So i need to wrap this up. i'll place this letter in the medicine cabinet. I know you'll find it that way. _

_I need to finish this, with this Logan. I don't know what to say, honestly. Make sure our fans know I love them all with all my heart. They were my light. They're all my cover girls. _

_Tell my family how much I love them. Make sure they know none of this is their faults. _

_Make sure all the guys know what they meant to me, I'll be here for all of you. Always. Everytime you turn I'll be there._

_I love you my Logie, I love you so fucking much. Don't you forget that. Don't you dare forget. I'll be seeing you._

_Kendall._


End file.
